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funny instagram captions
- Don’t give up on your dreams. keep sleeping.
- I am not lazy, I am just on save energy mode.
- How do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
- Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
- What do you call a bear with no ears? EARS!
- Best friends. Because anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.
- Nothing is lost until your mother can’t find it.
- I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waste of time.
- Nobody is perfect. My name is Perfect!
- Last name Ever, first name Greatest.
- Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
- Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk.
- Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits.
- Please God, if you can’t make me thin, make my friends fat.
- Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
- An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
- During the day I didn’t believe in ghosts. At night I become a bit more open-minded.
- Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
- Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
- Life is very complicated. Don’t try to find answers because when you find the answers, life changes the questions.
- The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
- I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are all like “Hey, what are you doing here?” And I’m just like, “Oh, you know hunting elephants.”
- The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
- When my bra matches my underwear, I really feel like I have my life together.
- Did you know that DIET stands for: Did I Eat That?
- Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
- That awkward moment when you see twins fighting and one of them calls the other ugly.
- I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
- Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
- I am a ninja. No, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? Exactly
- There is no angry way to say bubbles.
- Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.
- Don’t worry, Beyonce.
- Life happens. Coffee helps.
- If you fall, I will be there. Signed: Floor.
- Be a Warrior, not a Worrier.
- Funny how just when you think life can’t get any worse, it suddenly does.
- Dear life, when I said, “Can my day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
- On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like Monday does on Earth.
- What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing “k” instead of “ok”?
- When you are Downie, eat a brownie.
- Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.
- All we have is NOW.
- When nothing goes right, go left
- Life is like a toilet paper. Either you’re on a roll or you’re taking shit from asshole.
- All my life I thought the air was free. Until I bought a bag of chips.
- When your ex texts you after months, “Hey, what’s up?”. Not today Satan, not today.
- This life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.
- Of curse, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
- I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.
- we made it, it’s Friday!
- When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance
- I need a six month holiday, twice a year
- This seat is taken.
- I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it
- you are enough.
- Disturb your friends all the time.
- I must destroy you with hugs and kisses
- Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about
- Smile 🙂
- Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
- Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it
- What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram
- The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”Crossfit? I play real sports
- There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
- I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
- Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the
- stop stop, I’m gunna pee
- Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
- Friendship is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.
- I don’t have time for part-time people in my life.
- Best Friends make good times better and hard times easier!
- You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you along the way
- Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
- Sometimes being with your best friend is all the therapy you need.
- Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.
- Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll laugh at you.
- Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
- Friday – My second favorite F word.
- A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.
- I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
- Unexpected friendships are the best ones.
- Do you remember the times we had? Let’s bring it back.
- Pizza and you are all I need
- Surround yourself with people who get you. My advice to you all – Don’t lose me.
- We go together like Coffee and Donuts.
- Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.
- Do you remember the times we had? Let’s bring it back.
- Find your tribe. Love them hard.
- Life is more fun when you share it with your best friend.
- Friends know all your weird stories.
- Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.
- Friends know stories you don’t want to share.
- You’re not only my best friend, you’re my best therapist.
- I don’t know a perfect people. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.
- here is not a thing better than a friend unless it’s a friend who has a chocolate.
- Coffee and Best Friends make the perfect blend.
- Happiness is having friends who are idiots.
- Best friends are people you can do anything and nothing with and still have the best time.
- Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.
- Nobody really likes us except for us.
- Friendship is always a sweet responsibility for our life.
- When I count my blessings, I count you twice.
- Happiness means having friends who are simply idiots.
- A true friend stabs you in the front.
- It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”
- True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.
- A good friend is cheaper than therapy.
- This is my Avenger group.
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